There were tears in my eyes.
Not of joy.
Not of physical pain, though that was definitely happening.
The ones that come with frustration and emotional turmoil.
I was staring at myself in the mirror.
Ready to quit, and completely give up.
Standing there, wishing I had done things differently.
I have to back up a bit here…
Growing up in a homeschool organization that was pretty conservative, my personal sense of fashion never had a chance to grow or develop at all.
Which meant that when I had freedom in college, it didn’t so much develop as it just exploded.
But not in any actual fashionable sense.
More like a crazy guy that can finally grow his frizzy hair as long as he wants. Wear sweatpants to class at 7am sort of thing.
And with that new freedom, I had found a friend’s mom who was able to braid my crazy red hair into tight braids all over my head.
Yup, exactly how you are picturing it, but probably worse.
Frizzy, bushy, red hair all in small braids.
After having the braids in for a month, I took them out.
And my hair was perfect and beautiful and lived happily ever after.
Except for the perfect and beautiful and happily ever after parts…
What ensued was the nastiest hair snarl ball I have ever dealt with in my life.
I’m pretty sure at least one comb snapped in half during the detangling process.
Huge clumps of hair were coming out with every attempt to get the tangles out.
WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE!?!?!?
I’m just going to get clippers and shave it all off!
A year of growing my hair out and I stupidly put it into braids!
You know how it goes…
All the negative self talk that happens when you run into something that somehow you think you should have known ahead of time was going to be a problem.
In frustration, I called up a friend of mine who I knew had done her hair in small braids before. I figured she would know what to do.
“Keep brushing and combing and working out the tangles, lots of hair will fall out, and lots of conditioner to help it untangle…”
So, no miracle method available to fix this, apparently…
But I kept at it, working through the knots slowly and painfully.
Until my crazy, frizzy, long, not fashionable hair was back.
Two things I learned from this.
- No more all over braids for me. Not worth the work to untangle it afterward.
- Ok, just the first thing is what I actually learned in the moment. I was a young college kid, after all. I wasn’t the sort of person who could extrapolate into other areas of life from something like this…
But now that I have a son who has been growing his hair out for well over a year, I really do know what it’s like to go through the pain and turmoil of untangling long hair.
Whenever I hear the cries and then the thump of something hitting the floor (and also the high pitched silent screaming…) I know it’s more than he can work through on his own.
And I get to reach out and help him through it.
Because I know that feeling.
Of being overwhelmed, and frustrated, and then the emotional vortex that makes me withdraw and shut down.
It happens to all of us, at some point.
We find a situation that is significantly harder than what we anticipated. If we anticipated trouble at all, that is!
And when we hit that roadblock, the natural path is fight, flight, or freeze.
Whether you’re trying to untangle hair…Or have a conversation with a sullen teenager (that’s another story altogether)…Or call another broker to build a relationship after the last one laughed at you on the phone call…Or write the next email when you got trolled by a hater.
Having someone that has been there before can mean the difference between giving up or pushing through.
When I grew my hair long, of course I had no idea what I was doing. Didn’t know how much work it would be to take care of it. Or how painful it would be to get it out of those crazy braids that I thought were such an awesome idea.
When I jumped into buying apartments and working with investors, it was only slightly better. I didn’t know all the risks that could pop up.
But the difference (aside from the potential loss if a hairstyle went south vs losing $1 million of investors money on an apartment deal if it tanks) was that with apartments, I had partners that had done it before.
They knew the pain points. The issues that had to be dealt with before they turned into major problems. The structure, the capital raising, everything.
If only I had thought to talk with my friend before I did the braids to learn to get them out ahead of time…
I wish I could say that my hair is now sleek and shiny, but nope.
My four children all have beautiful red hair and I’m bald.
But I ask so many more questions now before I commit to opportunities.
Because I’ve learned the value of talking with an expert before there is the crisis.
They know what I don’t. Because they have made the mistakes and paid the price (emotionally AND financially) to get through the rough patch.
It took time, energy, and investing in myself to find the right mentors and teammates. But it was 1000% worth it.
Who is on your team? Who can you reach out to to find out the problems ahead of time? To help you see what’s coming that you haven’t thought of?
Those relationships mean the difference between success and failure. Between getting crushed or overcoming.
Wherever you are, whether on the sidelines, or analyzing deals, or raising money, or have a solid portfolio, the right people will help you get to the next level.
If you aren’t making progress, let’s talk. We built the Deal Room so we could help as many people as are willing to commit to themselves to make it.
I read this once, and think about it often…
- Foolishness is not learning from your mistakes
- Smarts is learning from your mistakes
- Wisdom is learning from other people’s mistakes
Totally easier said than done, sure. But worth it to be in the third category.
