Why won’t you SLEEP!?!?
For two years after our firstborn, William, arrived in our life, we read books about parenting, and congratulated ourselves on how awesome we were in this new adventure of being parents.
Anyone else sort of feel like it was a bait and switch when your second child arrived?
No? Is that just me?
The books on parenting and childcare were wonderful and helpful. And we did all the co-sleeping, attachment parenting, super engaged, dozens of photos of child number one in beautiful albums, all of that.
Then Phineas was born. I remember William singing Happy Birthday to him on his actual birth date. It was an amazing day!
And we got the books back out.
And [SPOILER ALERT] proceeded to make one mistake after the other.
With William, he wouldn’t fall asleep unless Jessica or I was holding him. I can recall with crystal clarity the wood paneling in the bedroom, with the digital radio clock on the white dresser as I bounced up and down on the giant red yoga ball with William in my arms.
10 minutes of bouncing…and…zzzzzzz
Parenting level up.
So I knew exactly what to do with our second son, Phineas.
Wrap him up in the blanket, hold him, and start the bouncing.
He wanted to participate with me, so he would yell with the rhythm of the bouncing.
5 minutes.
10 minutes.
Maybe if I walk some then bounce?
15 minutes.
Maybe if I go for a walk outside?
20 minutes.
Maybe if I hold him lying down?
25 minutes.
Let me pause for a moment to remember what our midwife said when Phineas was born. “Wow, he’s a lot louder than William was…”
Finally, I was just at a loss of what to do, and a small baby doesn’t have the words to tell a parent exactly what to do.
So I just gently put him down, because my arms needed a break.
And he got quiet.
And minutes later, was fast asleep.
That was the moment when I realized that all of the “skills” I thought I had as a parent weren’t because of me at all, but because of our first son’s personality.
I had to start over with this new child to learn who he was, and what his needs were.
With four kids, I can categorically say that there is no one size fits all parenting style. (ok, possibly if you happen to have 4 children with all the exact same personalities…)
Phineas just wanted to chill by himself and fall asleep, he wasn’t into the whole bouncing and holding and walking like William was.
The real lesson I began learning that day was to approach what look like the same situations in life with openness that it’s very likely to be different than what I expect.
The reality of life is that often what worked in the past doesn’t work anymore!
Now, when I’m trying an old tactic that isn’t working, I recognize it way faster and am able to pivot to something new and find what will work.
Pretty amazing the things that our children can teach us.
Thank you Phineas.
